In the wake of an extraordinary Open Championship, the Mole received a heart-broken letter from the editor of Compleat Golfer who had a few choice words for the golfing gods.

The Mole is fully aware of his dark, cynical sense of humour (he’s already penning pieces about the ‘Super-senior’ PGA Tour where death benefits and funeral funds for members are even more impressive than Tim Finchem’s PGA pension plan). But although the Mole is gutted for Tom Watson, he couldn’t help but think that it may have been a good thing for golf that Tom didn’t win because it would have made golf look a bit silly if a pensioner can win a Major. But before the Mole gets completely carried away with the idea of a crocked bunch of 60-somethings dominating the world’s fairways, given his connections in high places, he first has to post this letter from the esteemed ed…

Dear golfing gods

Three cups of coffee, a fresh herb muffin and the news that England gave the Aussies a klap today at Lords – and I’m still bummed. It’s all good and well when you decide to play silly buggers with some youngster like Sergio Garcia, but to take a living legend’s 59-year-old soul and smear it across a links like peanut butter is unforgiveable. You heartless bastards. And Stewart Cink? Where did that idea come from? How much Scotch did you people drink while you were scripting up this particular episode of our favourite reality TV programme, hey?

Do you realise you denied us a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to witness something that would contend for the ‘greatest sporting achievement of all time’ – and in its stead, you delivered an Open winner who, although god-faring, a jolly nice family fellow and a very good golfer, will hardly go down in history as one of the game’s greats. Did you even notice that Westy played the best golf out there of anyone? Or that Ernie found a little something? Two years ago, when you played with the emotions of that young Spaniard, it was quite amusing I agree – and last year, although edgy, allowing Greg Norman to play in the final group was entertaining. This time, though, you went too far. First you blow that 8-iron over the back and then you leave a 10-footer for victory – to a man who's struggled from that distance for 30 years! All I can say is, good luck for next year at St Andrews as you try to come up with something even more spectacularly disappointing.

How about Ernie, Retief, Thomas Aitken and Richard Sterne all tied for the lead after 72 holes, but you somehow find a way of getting them all DQ’d, leaving Anthony Kim 10 shots back in fifth place to become the default champion golfer of the year. Oh, yes, that would be brilliant.

The worst part of all is I know that you know that even though I’m driven to drink by what you do each and every year when the Claret Jug is up for grabs, I’ll be glued to the telly again in 2010, watching every shot like a five-year-old mesmerised by the Teletubbies: and loving every moment of the championship that I still consider to be the greatest in all of golf.

Yes, indeed, what a good thing that I love the Open Championship even more than I hate you.

Brandon – Editor, Compleat Golfer